Tag Archives: true love

Finding the can’t-live-without

19 Apr

As I was spring cleaning this month, I came upon a box of my ex-boyfriend’s things – one of them being his high school class ring. In case you’re wondering, I returned the ring. But finding all those old items made me think about our past relationship. I was the one who ended it, and at the time, it was painful. We had been dating for almost four years. To this day, I still couldn’t tell you why the relationship wasn’t working, but the fact is it wasn’t. I realized that even though you care for someone, you can’t stay in a relationship to make the other person happy. You have to be happy yourself.

I recently read an article about things to know in your twenties, and one of the points was this: “Now is also the time to get serious about relationships. And “serious” might mean walking away from a dating relationship that’s good but not great. Some of the most life-shaping decisions you’ll make during this time will be about walking away from good-enough, in search of can’t-live-without. One of the only truly devastating mistakes you can make in this season is staying with the wrong person even though you know he or she is the wrong person. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to you.”

I found myself in this situation with my ex. Now, I don’t want to give the wrong impression. Things didn’t end because he wasn’t “good-enough” for me. He’s a good guy, and he’ll make one girl really happy someday. I didn’t end it because of who he was; I walked away because of how I felt in the relationship. The longer we were together, the more things began to change. Sometimes you grow together, and sometimes you grow apart. It came to the point where I was just going through the motions, and I finally had to stop. It wasn’t fair to him and it wasn’t fair to me.

So our relationship ended, and although it hurt at the time, I will always feel that it was the best decision for both of us.

As I moved on from the breakup, something crazy and wonderful happened. I fell in love with a boy from Germany, and we’ve been happily dating for almost two years. While this long-distance relationship is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it’s also one of the greatest. I wouldn’t do this with anyone else.

Don’t stay in a relationship because it’s comfortable or because you can’t pinpoint what’s wrong. Hearts will heal, and you’ll open yourself to finding the can’t-live-without. Trust me – you want to find the can’t-live-without.

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Miles apart

18 Jan

“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the brave. It is for those willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough.”

Most of us have been there at one point in our lives. Maybe it was a few hours away, maybe it was another state, or maybe it was like my situation, across the ocean. Long-distance relationships. They’re bound to happen – unless you’re like my parents and fall in love with your high school sweetheart (but even they spent time apart when my dad was in the service.)

Some people make them work. Some people don’t. In most cases it’s a personal decision. Either it’s worth it to you or it’s not. To me, it’s worth it. And despite being 4,000 miles apart, Sebastian and I are happy in a relationship. Is it hard? Of course. Do we make it work? Somehow.

I often get asked, “How do you make it work?” The truth is, we just do. We both realize that time spent apart is better than no time at all. But if I had to give words of wisdom, here are some things I’ve learned along the way.

Make time to talk every single day. Even if it’s only for ten minutes on your drive home from work when he’s really sleepy.

Write letters. There’s something to say about physically holding something the other person touched just days ago.

Share in each other’s joys and sorrows. Even though you can’t be there, celebrate the accomplishments and be there the best you can for the hard times.

Enjoy the time you do have together. Understand that it won’t always be perfect, but it will go fast, so savor every minute of it.

Maybe 2012 will be different. Maybe we’ll end up together this year. For now though, we’ll continue to make it work. And when the distance feels difficult, because some days it will, I’ll remember he’s worth it and only a plane ride away.

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What every girl wants

15 Nov

If you follow me on Twitter – or here, or Facebook – you know that I love talking about my boyfriend and how wonderful he is. My friends tell me I’m lucky, and I often tease and ask, “Want me to find you a cute, German boy?”

But the truth is, my boyfriend isn’t great because he’s German (or because he’s cute). He’s great because he’s thoughtful, caring, truthful and loves me no matter what. And that’s what every girl wants. We don’t need diamonds or presents (although those things are nice). We just need someone to be there, love us and treat us how we deserve to be treated.

So to all my single sisters out there, don’t get discouraged. Mr. Right is out there, and who knows, maybe he will be a cute, German boy.

P.S. Sebastian is here in three days! Can’t wait!

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